Prime Rib

     You know you're back in Rochester when you go out to a family restaurant and you can order prime rib with a baked potato. It feels good to be back.

Past and Present

    Things we remember, positive or negative, don't exist anymore, and that's neither good nor bad.

  In  "Cold Mountain" Ruby reestablishes a relationship with her father who treated her terribly when she was little. They end up happy in the present rather than living by old resentments. She is able to forgive if not forget the past...to let it go... to let the present be instead of the no longer existent past.

 Sometimes we treat something that happened in the past as part of the present, when actually what happened, for better or worse, is no more. Be it a happy or sad event, a relationship that thrilled us or killed us, these things happened, they shaped us, and we went on. We don't have to forget them, they do exist as part of the past, we just need to give them their proper place. We are shaped by these things, these people, but we are also shaped by each choice we make today. Maybe the key to balance is to find the proper weight to assign to things past and present. When something in the present is part of a continuum it might merit significant weight. On the other hand, a singular past event might merit less.

 Maybe due to our moods or circumstances, we might sometimes give past events an overdue weight in the present, allowing them to dominate our present, when in reality, each day is new and we can, if we choose, relegate to yesterday what belongs to yesterday, both the best and the worst of times gone by. I don't mean to demean or trivialize the past, I just mean to say that given the very real finiteness of any lifetime, and the very real power that exists within all of us to continue to shape our own life, it seems only natural to not limit ourselves from experiencing freely the moments we have.

  And so it is with Chili in the mid 20th century. That Chili doesn't exist anymore. We who lived there then share many memories of those days, some good ones and some not so good. For me it is helpful to think about those days and how they helped shape us, along with our choices and and all the experiences we have had since then.

Laughter and Tears

     In a dream, Natasia Gracias kissed me on a river bank. She wore a black dress speckled with white polka dots or daisies or umbrellas... white against black. There was a reception in the background and she was one of three cousins attending. Her real first name was impossible to remember. There were laughter and tears.

Breaking Up

"Breaking up is hard to do". Neil Sedaka
"Breaking up is never easy I know". ABBA

     I was thinking about breakups. I've had a few going back to Chili days. I guess most people suffer them (or cause them) maybe multiple times and, yeah, usually they are hard on one or both parties in some way. But I have come to look at them differently lately. The thing is, when there is a breakup there is a choice by someone to go in another direction, for whatever reason. Isn't knowing the truth something we should be thankful for?  Who wants to pine for a relationship the other has discarded? So why hurt?
     Hurting over another's choice seems wasteful. We should feel grateful to know the truth and get on with living this new truth. Now there might be sadness in the breakup but isn't that better than living in a false relationship?  
     And breakups don't just happen between couples, they can happen between friends too. Again, they happen when something is not right enough for someone. In either case, one might be grateful they are still not in the middle of an unbalanced partnership.

     But what about relationships that don't break up? Again, there are several kinds. Some stay active forever. Some are less active due to circumstances but they stay alive nonetheless - there but for the circumstances of life.
      It seems a lot healthier to focus on the relationships that are alive. Instead of pining or being pined for, everyone is better off admitting that we are not good fits with everyone and to appreciate the relationships that we have that live on, be they daily or rarely active.
 
       As for all the grief and moping we ever might have caused or carried, here's to letting it go in gratitude that we either freed or were freed from a debilitating imbalance. (And that's not to say there might be good memories about the times when things were still in balance.)

When Did SPX School Open?

     It is always a treat to visit Rochester. This year I had a little excursion to Chili. I saw the burned out St. Pius X Church...a sad sight. One thing I noticed might come as a surprise to newcomers to SPX. There used to be a path that led from the school to Ranchmar. The kids who lived in Ranchmar used it to go home for lunch (while others had to eat at school) and everyone used it as the way to go to Ranchmar to play. Well, the path is gone! Beside the church there is now a parking lot and a field of grass that ends in a forest wall of trees. You would never know of the baseball fields that existed nor the short cut to Ranchmar. I guess we should all take pictures of everything because everything eventually will change.
     As for the school itself, I checked to see that the cornerstone was laid in 1959. Now September 1959 was the year the class of '64 would have entered 4th grade. Going into this trip I was almost sure we had come to the new school (from St Feehan's) at the start of 3rd grade because I have no memory of 3rd Grade at St Feehan's. However, two reliable members of the class of '66 assured me they went to the first grade at St Feehan's. Easy going guy that I am I might have taken their word for it except that while visiting a reliable source in Chili, this source being one of the founding members of St Pius X, she showed me a newspaper clipping from August 2, 1957 showing the removal of the stained glass windows of St Feehan's and saying that the new school would be open to one class in the fall of that year and would be open to five classes the following year! If that were true, we would have started at the new school in September 1958! With this hard evidence I had to believe my memory had been correct......but it was two against one and the '66ers were much more sure of their memories of being at St Feehan's in 1958-59 that I was in my lack of memory of  being there.
       So the mystery persists. Did one class open the school in 1957? When did all the classes move in? Comments are welcome and I guess history will have to abide by the majority vote (unless of course someone offers even better proof than I thought I had on the matter! -- a class picture perhaps?!).

Two More Poems

These two poems were composed in Cenci, Italy in 2001.
I share them here for all those we carry within us even though we don't see them anymore.


Separated by Time

You leave the nest to seek adventure in life,
Believing it is out there, in some other place.
If I were a bird, I'd sing, saluting your departure,
Your triumphant flight.
Then I would settle in my nest, and wait awhile.
In time, I would make the journey to your new land.
I would build a new nest, made of twigs and leaves familiar to you.
Then I would settle in my new nest, and wait awhile.
In time I would come to sing for you, to you; at dawn, at dusk.
Eventually you might recognize me
And I would offer to share my nest with you.



Separated by Space

If I were a bird, I would build a fine nest outside your home.
If you would allow me, I would build my nest from
     the feathers of your pillow,
     the threads of your clothes,
     the hair from your brush.
I would watch to see that you were safe and well and happy.
If you were, I'd sing for you.
If you were not, I'd come closer and sing for you.
I would use my wings to brush away any tears of sadness you cried.
And when you were gone, I'd set perch on your headstone;
Eternally.
Finally.

RIP Sister Walter Anne

  Last month I learned that Sister Walter Anne had recently died at 90+ years of age. Some folks who met with her last summer told me they had a wonderful visit remembering the early days of St. Pius X school. As far as I can recall she was the first principal of the school. By the time the class of '64 reached 8th grade she was no longer teaching but I think she was still the principal. I don't really have any personal memories of her, I just remember her tall presence in all the school activities during the first half the sixties. Maybe someone can add a comment if they have any warm memories.
   I know that schools no longer have the services of nuns for teaching like they did 50 years ago. I suppose we could have had more strictly trained teachers…but I'm not sure we could have had more dedicated or helpful teachers and therefore any better teachers. It's kind of amazing to think of these women, dedicating themselves to teaching children, without the distractions felt by so many elementary school teachers today.